a temporary goodbye

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I made the decision to travel back to China in late december. I don’t know how long I will stay for at the moment. Just going with the flow and seeing how things turn out.

Not being able to see my friends, go to classes in the AMs, or eat the food that I considered as “safe” scare me to death. But, I made the decision anyways. 2021 is a year of regrowing the love that has long been dismissed. And when I feel the most loved is when I'm around my family, my old friends, and my community. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends in the U.S. (you know who you are). Yet, I never felt as if I truly belonged here, or anywhere in that matter. Immigrating at a young age has shaped me into a foreigner who doesn’t have a permanent home. I adopted a new lifestyle, embraced different cultures, and learned difficult languages. I’m proud of what I’ve achieved so far and the person I've become. But, as a mixture of all things, I feel truly burnt out.

I want to start my new season in a way that aligns with my values. I want to be in an environment that serves me to become the person I’ve envisioned myself to be in the future. In order to be someone who can awaken the great spirits within others, I need to feel rooted first. I’ve been on a journey for the last six years and just trusted my gut feelings and my beliefs. This year, I want to wind down and hit the restart button. I want to discover new things about myself that are yet to be found. I want to surround myself with the culture and atmosphere I feel most comfortable with. I want to refrain from being on autopilot when it comes to productivity and slow things down and simply just “be”, rather than “do”.

Let my 2021 be free flowing like the "unforced rhythms of grace".