18 things I've learned at 18

I just celebrated my 18th birthday. Looking back on everything I’ve been through, I just want to pat myself on the back and cheer for my achievements. I’m not going to rant about how difficult everything was because I believe no one’s life comes easy.

I want to share 18 important lessons I’ve learned in the past years.

1. “Success” is a relative term

We’re taught with the “reach for success” crap as kids. What does success even mean? The term is so fluid because the definition of success to one person could mean the opposite for someone else. We need to live by OUR definitions of success.

2. “Failure” is overrated

Failing is just figuring another way to do something. We all need to redefine the term because just because we’re not getting something right now, doesn't mean we won’t ever get it.

The moment when we’re defeated by the fear “failing”, we become a failure.

3. Friends are relative to the path in our lives

Most friends only stay for a period of time. The moment when we move on, or our priorities change, so too do the majority of our friends. Those who we surround ourselves with define our current state of being.

4. Self-awareness brings out our maximum potential

The moment when we know ourselves the best, we can maximize our strengths and go wherever we want to go. We are a whole new universe ready to be discovered. Knowing ourselves on the deepest level will solve all internal challenges and bring out creativity and ability to shape our future.

5. Our purpose in life is to be ourselves

What is the meaning of life? To be you. We are our own creators and we develop our own masterpiece. Always stay true to what we believe in and never get shaken by the doubters.

6. Spontaneity unfolds life in million of different ways

The possibilities of what will happen in life are infinite. Life is full of uncertainty, and offers no promises. We simply have to live each day without a sense of entitlement, treating it as a precious gift. We have to choose to make great memories out of each moment we have.

7. Productivity is bs

To produce our best work, we must stop obsessing over productivity and focus on optimizing our output during the time when we’re at our best.

8. The Law of Attraction - You attract who you become

The stories we tell ourselves establish our identities, give our life meanings, and guide our actions. All attractions are based on energy and vibration. If we truly believe that the worst outcome will happen, IT WILL HAPPEN. We send out a frequency which attracts someone or a situation of the same frequency.

9. Never worry about the uncontrollables or unpredictables

Constant worrying. Negative thinking. Always expecting the worst. Life is just too short to waste it by worrying about situations we can’t control. Everyday is non-refundable, so we have to fully enjoy the present.

10. Have self-control over emotions

Emotions dictate our thoughts, intentions and actions. When our emotions are under control, we can consciously put ourselves in the best state possible to make better decisions.

When negative emotions spiral out of control, we often make decisions that we later regret.

11. Insecurities - Don’t hate, but embrace them

Self love is crucial in our crude society. We all grow up feeling confident and loving ourselves, then people come in and tell us the way we are is wrong repeatedly. That’s when all the “insecurities” come about. However, the ones that want us to change are also insecure themselves and are unsatisfied with their own lives, which they try to project onto us.

Self-hatred is engrained, nothing can help it but us dealing with our inside.

Accepting ourselves does not mean not doing anything but to go more with the flow and not be so harsh on ourselves.

12. Love is difficult

Romantic partnerships show us the areas in which we are in need of deep healing. When someone who loves us triggers us, it is showing the unresolved emotional wounding that we have.

13. Happiness is an inside job

When we’re true about how we feel inside, we can truly heal from the wounds. Wherever we go, the unaddressed problems still reside. When we not only identify our unhappiness, but also identify the root causes of it, it is only then that we can truly show up as authentically and as powerfully as we know that we can in this world.

14. Gratitude brings satisfaction and fulfillment

There’s no good in having a lot of anything if we’re not going to find appreciation in them. Oftentimes, we tend to be more grateful when we have less.

Not being appreciative also leads to regret on the decisions we’ve made. Since we can’t change the decisions or the outcomes, we should just appreciate the process and lessons we learned.

15. Withholding judgment

When we interact with others, we make assumptions and form impressions that can be difficult to change. However, We can’t all have the same experiences. Our values and perceptions are unique to yourselves. By holding back our judgements and opinions, we can be exposed to new perspectives and ideas.

Dalai Lama once said, “People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.”

16. Judging others define ourselves

“When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself,” says Earl Nightingale.

Our judgements for others give insights into our insecurities, fears, and shortfalls. Our own vulnerabilities lead us to be more critical, paving the way of us talking sh*t about others.

17. Perfectionism costs too much

Perfectionism has the power to debilitate someone emotionally and physically and drain them out of creativity.

Produce without overthinking or self-judgements.

It is a harsh interrogator that will rip everything that you say, do, and think to shreds to feed its need to appear unflawed.

18. High expectations leads you to Hell

High expectations that don’t align with the possible outcomes will lead to a constant feeling of disappointment and harbor resentment. Nothing can always quite measure up. Keep the expectations reasonable. Focus more squarely on things as they are happening. Satisfaction and pleasure will come when we strive for peace of our minds.