a belated Father’s Day letter to both my dads

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I am writing to express my love and gratitude to both of you. You both could brighten up my mood in your own ways and listen to my rants at all times. To not make things awkward and weird, I will separate the letter into two sections.

Dad, I miss you a lot. I know we never see each other since you live across the globe, but know that I'm always thinking about you. The time when I was in Shanghai and made a huge mistake, I was grateful for your visit the next day. It was scary as hell but heartwarming at the same time. You have always been a great listener and respectful of my decisions. You give me honest feedback, remind me of my strengths, weaknesses, and things to work on. To me, you are so knowledgeable that I can talk to you about literally anything. From science and history to life-lessons. And for that, I am grateful because it is rare to have a best friend to talk to without the fear of being judged upon. 

You treasure every birthday gift I gave you, every card I ever wrote. I’ve never seen anyone who treats something with so much care. You also had a blog with letters you wrote for me. I will read it one day, once I’ve gathered the confidence, to open up something so emotional. It tears me apart, to not be able to see you.

From 2014 to 2020, you have sent me so many messages that were yet to be responded to. Sorry. Please know that I’ve read all of them and it's just my messed-up personality. It sounds stupid but the more I care about someone, the harder it’s for me to reach out to them. Sometimes, I just don’t know what to say: do I ask about how your family is doing? Is that crossing the line? I want you to be happy but don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable at the same time. Please know that I’m mature now and besides the obvious fact that I can tell you all my concerns and troubles, you can do that same! I want to hear how you are doing and everything I missed. I’m great at giving advice too if you don’t know that already. But anyways, I’m always here and I know that you’re always there for me too. I love you and can’t wait to see you.

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Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Despite the fact that I’ve been calling you your name my whole life, I consider you my dad. You treat me with no difference than treating your own child and for that, I can never express my gratitude. Sorry for being an ass a lot of times. I remember the very first time I met you, I wanted to hate you -- a random person who shows up in my life, taking my mom away. Yet, I was young and immature. You don't need to deal with all my shit when you got a pile in your hand already. But, you stuck around. Your words lifted my spirits from any dark places they were dwelling. You are compassionate when I’m my worst self. Thank you. Really. For everything. 

Your presence taught me to accept changes and to welcome others with love and kindness. It is such a blessing to have you as part of the family. It takes a real man like you to step up and care for a child who is not his own. You are truly an incredible human being, and when people ask me who my dad is, I’m proud to say your name.