am I happy?

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I periodically check on my well being. Am I happy right now? Do I really enjoy my life? 

Happiness is everything. It is the morning motivation. It is the compassion, appreciation, and love for self and others. It is the key to life. 

I am feeling happiness these days that I’ve never felt before. At first, I didn’t realize it, but gradually, the subtle signs manifested, like it’s harder for me to come up with emotional contents than before. I’ve also gotten less triggered by food or comments. I’m in a peaceful state right now :)

I’ve gathered some things that I want to share in order to achieve this state of being. Keep reading if you are interested. 

Sometimes we don’t really want happiness as much as we want our quick coping mechanisms, and when this is the case, we are incredibly talented at explaining our bad habits away and protecting them as part of our ego and sense of self or security — because they are. For me, binge eating is the best way to relieve stress and anger. Since I have no one to share what’s been bottled up inside me, I should take advantage of my coping mechanism right? 

Hell no. 

Other times, I catch myself thinking that I’m happy even though I know deep down that I'm not. This is especially the case in small moments when you force fun into a space where it’s not. Surrounding yourself with people you don’t enjoy being with. Hanging out when you feel like being in bed. These are all instances that require us to listen to our instincts and take note of the subtle signs of unhappiness.

We all have our own demons: shame, egos, insecurities, fears, anxiety… You name it. When we are churning those feelings in our thoughts, an endless cycle of negativity and denial happens and we start a downward spiral. The solution seems to fall passively down the spiral and keep digging ourselves into a whole. But vulnerability is the key. People are not meant to cope with their issues alone. Instead, share your feelings with others and get the benefit of hearing the situation from other perspectives as well as advice. The world won't feel like it's full of strangers, and the weight of your troubles will lessen on your shoulders. On a different note, the negative feelings are something everyone experiences with. We always have little gremlins that follow us around, toddling and tugging at our coattails. ALL of us. Happiness is not about escaping them entirely, or denying them. (This, as I’ve said, is instead a major sign of unhappiness.) Instead, happiness is about acknowledging our gremlins, whichever they are — anxiety, anger or shame — and learning how to quiet them gently, without giving in, nor denying.

On a deeper level, the goal, really, is goodness — lightness, peace, energy. A sense of vibrancy toward those in our lives. The goal is to accept our humanness with compassion — to understand our egos, our fears, our insecurities — and be able to handle them with lightness. And with that, comes lightness across the rest of our lives.