Healing Diary Series #4 loneliness

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In the spectrum of being alone, there’s loneliness on one side and solitude on the other. The entire human experience is trying to bridge the gap in between or at least find the middle ground on this spectrum. On your worst days, you may feel completely unfulfilled and skewed to being lonely. Other days, you might be alone, yet feeling entirely present and satisfied. 

Healing loneliness requires more than simply seeking out company. You can be in a crowd of people yet still feel all alone. It might be because you are hanging with the wrong group of people. However, there’s a bigger factor that contributes to the feeling. 

The root of loneliness isn't the absence of other people but an inner absence—you don't have a centered awareness of your true self. 

The ironic thing about loneliness is that we experience it as a collective, but separately.

This is caused by a restricted state of awareness. Unable to look beyond rigid boundaries, the more you try to defend these boundaries, the more fearful and insecure you become. When your awareness is constricted, it's easy to get lost in the limited aspect of ourselves which feels separate. In a misguided attempt to feel secure, it is common to rely on reinforcement from other people to feel loved. However, amid the process, we often ignore the fact that love is our essential nature. This struggle is a crucial cause of loneliness and pain. 

Begin healing loneliness by cultivating acceptance for all your emotions. This means not self-judgment during difficult periods. Rather, have some COMPASSION! It's something that all therapists (or literally everyone) recommends yet still gets ignored in real life. We all dwell on our shortcomings and mistakes. And the emotion that comes with builds that rigid boundary. Think of yourself as a baby that can’t be yelled at. Offer some love and affection. As you become more accepting of your emotions, the need to hide how you're really feeling will drop away and you will find yourself relating to others from your authentic self. Coupled with the previous strategies -- self-awareness and reflection -- you will be able to find fulfillment! It is possible to feel connected and loved in all standings, because at the most basic level, the company you enjoy the most is your own. You will no longer fill the inner absence with other people.