on (fear food) challenge

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What am I scared of? A slice of damn pie.

I challenged myself today with my biggest fear food — a whole slice of pumpkin pie. It sounds stupid I know. What am I scared of? A slice of damn pie. But it was a huge challenge for me. I kid you not, my hand was shaking when I grabbed a fork and prepared to dig in. But I did it, and you know what? It was out of my strong desire to recover. Everyone has goals that they set for themselves, either on a monthly or yearly basis. However, people often fail at achieving them because they lied — even to themselves — about how badly they wanted them, or if they wanted them at all.

Our first step to achieve something is to tune into our desires and realize the elements in our lives that energize us automatically. When you want something badly enough, pursuing it becomes so much easier. You don’t need to waste time with drafting an excuse for your procrastination.

Next, we need to figure out how much we are willing to give in along the path of pursuing the goal. Are we down to make life-changing choices? Are we ready to step out of our comfort zones? Are we ready to devote time and energy into the process? The world won’t magically make everything work in our favors, and we need to take the necessary steps when the opportunity arises.

In my case, I always wanted to faulty recover from eating disorders. However, I never felt comfortable enough to move on to the next step until recently. I guess I was comfortable with the lingering ED symptoms and would talk my way out of challenging myself. Now that I feel truly ready, I came to the realization that the ED shadow will always be there until I do something about it. I won’t be mentally strong all the time, so the longer I wait, the more dangerous the situation might get. When I hit a dark period in the future, it is highly possible that I’ll go back to my old behaviors and just relapse completely.

So, it’s better late than never to start acting.