Takeshi Kitan’s Bistro

Takeshi Kitano has been a popular face in the world of Japanese television for decades. It was not until the late 1980s when he started directing films. Up until then, he was known as a popular comedian and slapstick artist on the zanier Japanese game show circuit. But when he forayed into directing films, his lens was intimately focused on the seedier aspects of Japanese life, vehemently toxic masculinity, and the suffering and dirtiness that comes with the doing of violence unto another human being. 

Recently, I read his book, Takeshi Kitan’s Bistro. It was an interesting collection of wise words and profound memories. He truthfully talked about five aspects of humanity: life and death, education, interpersonal relations, rules, and movies. I will summarize three of them.

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1. The question of life and death

That car accident was a turning point in my life. Since then, I've lost interest in living.

After my recent chin surgery, I was put on intravenous drip to eat. can only eat by drip or perfusion of juice. I recall one day, I was starving and called a sushi restaurant for takeout subconsciously. My wife stopped me instantly and yelled, "You can’t even open your damn mouth." “Just shut the f*k up. You can’t stop me.”  

When I tried to open my mouth for a piece of sushi, the sharp pain almost made me pass out.

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As the doctor pulled out the metal piece that lies across my whole face, I could feel the rod moving out little by little under my nose, making a crunching sound. It felt like a metal rod was bringing my brain juice out of me. "I understand what it feels like to be a pot of Oden."The doctor shouted, " Don't say stupid things!"”

I am mostly a very slow person to pain. No matter how much it hurts, I won’t feel the pain. In that sense, I didn't feel any pain once during my stay in the hospital. However, no one knows that the ”Ha Ha Ha" sound I make is often a reaction to severe pain. This is an amazing experience because I’ve never realized such surprising body function.

After the surgery, my face looked abnormal. The left half was almost completely paralyzed. My eyes couldn’t rotate nor focus at one spot. Despite this, I want the world to see my crooked face as soon as possible. 

Well, take a good look at my f*king face now.

2. The loopholes in education

Cell phones and the internet completely enslave the whole human race.

People living in Japan have the freedom to get whatever they want. They feel as if they are free. But do the grazing sheep in the field feel like they are free? Probably, but they just don’t know that they are human lifestocks. 

Similarly, people living in modern society rely on mobile phones and the internet every day. They feel the freedom by receiving any information they want, yet just haven’t realized they have become slaves to these things.

To be honest, mobile phones and the internet have gone beyond being convenient tools, and are gradually becoming tools that we can't live without. There was no such thing before. Didn't we all live well?

However, I can’t really say anything since I also enjoy the grace of my phone, at the same time, by its bondage.

When I heard I can watch porn on my computer, I was joking and told my assistant to buy the entire internet. When I finally found the site, I was really happy. I didn’t know it was charged by the minute, so I just left it playing for a day. When I got the receipt, I almost fainted upon seeing the price. 

3. The problem of relationships

“You're stupid. I can't see the Porsche when I’m driving myself.”

I always wanted to have a Porsche, so I bought one as soon as I had money.

I walked into the showroom of the 4S store with a bundle of cash, paid a one-time price of millions of yen, and then I went straight to the car and attempted to drive it home. The clerk mocked me and said it wasn’t registered yet. He told me to pick up the car in two weeks, and I suddenly wilted like a child. I'm confusing Porsches with toys. I’m not able to open the box on the way home to play.

Speaking of the Porsche, I remember one thing.

When I finally got my car, I found something interesting: I couldn't see the Porsche.

While waiting for the red light, I saw a glass wall reflecting my Porsche. “My car is very sexy,” I thought. 

However, I wasn;t feeling satisfied, so I called a friend and asked him to drive my new Porsche while I sat in a car behind him just to see how awesome my Porsche was running.

I said to my driver,“Isn't that a beautiful Porsche? It's my car.” The driver asked, "If it's your car, why don't you drive it yourself?"”

“You're stupid. I can't see the Porsche when I’m driving myself.”